Perhaps not everyone struggles deeply with finding an outer voice that fits them. I am sure there are certain personality types, certain types of people, who feel more comfortable speaking out than others. I am of the variety who must analyze every word I say before it escapes through my lips, who worries for hours after I have spoken up that what I said was stupid or wrong or silly.
My goal, my New Years Resolution (if I can make one three months before I'm supposed to) is going to be to become comfortable with what I have to say. What makes human beings so exceptional is our capacity to think for ourselves and to have differing, and opposing, viewpoints. This should not be looked upon as a fault if one person differs from others in a group, or if one person has questions about a topic that everyone else seems to feel comfortable with. In fact, it is increasingly becoming my experience that, when I muster the courage to ask my question, I am met with a certain extent of uncertainty from the person who presumably should know the answer right away. Our willingness to ask questions is an example of our ability for critical thinking and problem-solving, a virtue not a weakness.
If any of us are in a situation where something gives us reason to pause, or we get that feeling that something is not quite right - we must speak up. More often than not, your intuition will be right and some issue, be it minor or critical, will be uncovered because you dared to ask for clarification.
Still, although I am learning this lesson it is a hard one to put into practice for me, because I am still getting comfortable with my own voice. Yesterday I got cold-called from a lady who just jumped right into the conversation by telling me she was from the "Vote No to Charter Amendment 3 coalition" and could she count on my vote against this bill. Before I would have probably said yes just to avoid any further conversation and hung up, after all - how would anyone know that I have zero intent to go vote either yes or no for this amendment. And then I thought, no - how dare you call me demanding that I commit to vote no to this amendment without even offering to talk to me about it. And I have actually wondered what it is when I drove by various Vote No signs recently. So I asked her to tell me more about the amendment, and she rushed through an explanation that I didn't understand but it had to do with the local police force, which I actually happen to really care about. So I asked again and she gave me the same boiler plate explanation and asked again for my commitment to vote no. Before - I might have just said yes. But this time i told her I would not commit to voting no for the amendment because I didn't know enough about it.
And guess what. Hail and locusts didn't rain from the sky. I didn't die of a heart attack. She didn't laugh at me or call me names. She simply thanked me for my time, told me there is a Facebook site, and hung up, and I felt glad that I was honest with her about my intent.
It isn't easy - but we all must find our voice, our ability to use our voice. Without it, we are just pawns playing in to other people's agendas.
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