Tempers, and Sometimes Nostrils, Flare at Work

So I hardly ever get mad.  I mean hardly ever.  Especially at work, because I am cursed with this temptation to see other people's viewpoints as having more merit than my own.  So generally when I am met with confrontation at work I tend to lean in the direction of complacency because I find it hard to justify arguing my own point - something that I know is wrong and that I am working on fixing. 

But yesterday I got in a bona fide fight with one of my closest work colleagues - my "best friend at work" to quote Fortune Magazine.    Complete with raised voices and red faces and evil eyes.  Ending with each of us employing our favorite escape route - her grabbing her keys and leaving and me picking my shit up and walking out of her office without saying good-bye.  Pure passive aggressive behavior in its worst form. 

It's important to maintain perspective when these things happen.  It would have been easy for both of us to allow bitterness and anger to negatively impact our normally very good working relationship.  Women are notorious for allowing personal feelings to interfere with business.  I'm sure I have feminist friends who will argue that I am damaging the female species by even daring to write this, but I think it's a pretty accurate statement.  I've seen it happen enough, whereas I regularly see men get into very vocal arguments at work and then turn around and go to lunch and joke about it immediately after.

However, this post is not about gender equality or feminism - women have very many good qualities in the workplace and all of us, male and female and individually, come with our own treasure trove of abilities.

This post is about the importance of remembering that we can argue with one another, as me and my co-worker did yesterday, but demonstrating the ability and willingness to sit down and talk through it and work it out together, even after tempers have flared and feelings have been hurt, is key to success in the workplace.   And that is just what we did, via a heated phone call directly after work wherein we argued more and finally came to the sort of "agree to disagree for now" solution that is sometimes the only one that makes sense.

I appreciate that I am close enough to this co-worker that I can argue with her one day and approach her the next with questions and conversation about the same and other important topics.  This reveals not only a solid working relationship but also a friendship that appreciates and understands the value of individuality and conversation.    It's important to appreciate the relationships you have that allow you to speak freely with the reassurance that your voice will be heard.

Remember to take with you to work, every day, a mind that is open to questions and debate and a soul that is predisposed to teamwork and collaboration.  As I saw written on a colleague's blackboard, seek first to understand, then to be understood.