A Club I Can't Join

In grade school, I joined the Girl Scouts and that is how I made friends and met people.
In middle school, I joined the swim team and made friends.
In high school, I did field hockey and cheerleading.  And parties.
In college, I joined a sorority.
After college, I got a job and joined committees.

My entire life, I have been joining groups of people to be a part of something bigger.  Where there is a group of people who share a common interest, I want to be in it.  I want to meet people and forge bonds based on common interests, and this is what I have been doing all my life.  And yet there is one club I cannot join. 

All around me I am surrounded by women having babies and creating little groups of their own based on all the babies they are having and all the shared experiences this affords them.  And 99% of the time I am unbothered by this.  Because while they have their Mommy Club, I have my I Can Go Out And Party Whenever I Want Club, and my Shop All Day Saturday and Never Once Have to Change a Poopy Diaper Club.  And so most of the time I am not put out by the fact that I am not part of the Mommy Club because most of the time I don't want to be part of the Mommy Club. 

But then I go home and sit down with my mom and grandmother and two sisters in law and they are, of course, all Mommies.  And so they talk about Mommy things.  And this, also, is okay with me.  Of course they should.  And some of it is interesting, like when they are talking about my niece or nephew or a cousin's child or something that is not inherently beyond my realm of understanding like diaper rash or something.  Of course some of it is not interesting, and you know - this is okay too.  I'm sure they don't find my incessant chatter about work interesting all the time either.  That's what families and friends do for each other. 

But then photos get taken and stories get told and re-told, and I wonder how many photos are out there being shared among the Mommies that I never even get to see because I am just not part of the club.  And this goes for all my Mommy Friends too.  And how many stories I don't here because I'm not a Mommy and so by default I don't have the weekly phone calls about morning sickness and doctors appointments and nursery colors.  What baby showers am I not even invited to because not only am I a hundred states away but I am also not a parent? 

Of course, it's just like a non-parent to get all selfish about this and take it personally and make it about herself.  I get that.  If I were capable of putting myself out of the equation to see what's really important about the wonders of procreation, I probably would have had a child by now.  That's probably what plenty of parents would think if they read this.    But I'm like a billion miles away and I see my niece like twice a year and I miss her.  And I miss my brothers and my sisters in law and my parents and I'm jealous - I really am - that my two sisters in law are at this very moment having pregnancy moments together all over the place and adding these adorable little munchkins to the family that my parents can swoon all over and  I'm just this selfish DINK in Texas who doesn't have anything to contribute to the conversation other than what I did this weekend and how work is going.      And I know they don't feel this way at all - of course they don't.  But I do.  And I don't want to have a baby really, or at least I don't think I do, but this family is growing away from me with every day that passes and I can't do anything about it.    Because there is no club that I can join here that will get me any closer to them.  Not even the Mommy Club.